Harry Potter vs. Jesus

I had a friend who let her daughter go to Vacation Bible School.  My friend is delightful, funny and a wonderful mother, but she is not a believer. 

Did her “unchurched” daughter come back from VBS describing the joyous news that God loves her?  Did she describe how we can be rescued from death & sin by accepting the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross?  Did she tell her mother that we can one day live in God’s presence and have experiences greater than anything we could ever imagine?

She did not.  This precious little girl told her mom they needed to throw away their Harry Potter books and movies.  These movies were bad & they made God unhappy. 

It made me so sad.  The mom was offended and declared that her girls weren’t going to VBS anymore.  Having been hurt in the past by a church, it was just one more example to her of how awful “organized” religion was. 

I’m irked.

First of all, so what if they did give up Harry, maybe even burning all things Rowling in the backyard charcoal?  Or vampires?  Or Pokemon?  This action does not bring them even one step closer to salvation or God’s pleasure.  What the girl is describing to her mother had nothing to do with the Gospel.  It’s moralism.  “Be a good girl & God will love you.” 

There’s the quintessential picture of Jesus.  He had perfectly coiffed hair and soft blue eyes.  He’s has a glow of love and peace and all things pixie dust about him.  He’s so quiet & gentle.

Until He encounters religious moralists leading others into religious moralism... 

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.”  Matthew 23:15 NIV

In this single verse he calls the religious moralist a hypocrite and a child of hell.  Read Matthew 23.  He calls them “blind,” “white washed tombs” and even murderers. 

How very Gandhi of Him. 

So I tried to reassure my friend that not all churches or Vacation Bible Schools are the same.  My sons attended a VBS down the street where they were repeatedly presented with the Gospel message.  The children may or may not have given their lives to Christ, but they most certainly knew how to by the end of that week.   

And I am so very grateful to VBS and its ministry when done well.  After all, I was saved at a VBS when I was nine. 

My New Ninja Skill

For the most part, my husband, Derick, stays away from my on-line life.  He loves & supports me in my silly hobby but it's not really his thing.  

But something happened & he said, “Blog about it.  You need to blog about it.” 

The event? 

I peeled & cut up a potato in less than two minutes.

I.am.a.potato.ninja.

To truly appreciate my prowess you have to know that I’m a slow cook.  Whatever amount of time the recipe card says it’s going to take…for me…I gotta double it.   

You see, I’m a slow walker.  I’m a slow cleaner.  I’m a slow launderer.  I’m a slow shopper.  I'm a slow driver.  I'm a slow bill payer (the time it takes to organize & do it, not necessarily when it's paid.)  You see the pattern. 

The only thing I have ever, ever done quickly in my entire life is type.  I can type like Speedy Gonazales. 

Now there are two things I do fast. 

Celebrate the little victories.

Instant potatoes, Schminstant potatoes. 

The Flip-Side of the Properity Gospel's Blessings

In all of my church going years, I can only remember one preacher ever actually owning up that he believed and preached the Prosperity message.   Most preachers would never claim such a thing.  Most teachers would be aghast to be accused of pushing this theology.  

I have to say that the doctrine is generally presented more subtle rather than outright.  It’s the cultural norm for Evangelicals.  I mean, we all know that God would be most glorified by my life being “pretty.”  Pretty house, pretty family, pretty car…me being pretty skinny (ESPECIALLY skinny!) with blond highlighted streaks, right?

Just so us churchy folks know, that doesn’t make non-believers want to know & love the God of the universe.  It either results in them chasing OUR pretty life (and chasing our pretty life does not equal to pursuing God) or in them being just plain disgusted with us in general.  Messy is more realistic and relatable. 

But as I said, it we’re living our lives according to the rules of the Good Book, we’ll end up with that pretty life.  But what if you love God, with all your heart, and your life is a mobile disaster? 

This is the flip-side of the Prosperity gospel message that I found myself wrestling with this week:

Now, if I follow God’s rules and I am blessed…then what happens if I screw up?  If I break the rules then I am cursed.  This is the logical follow through. 

You see, I’m a rule follower.  I like to know the rules and parameters of things so that I can be in control of my world.  Order is good.  Chaos is therefore bad.  It’s simply a part of my personality and I’m pretty sure that if I can come up with -and stick to- a beautiful list, my world would be grand. 

But maybe it’s not just a “part of my personality.”  I just figured out this week that I’ve been living my entire life for the waiting proverbial hammer to fall.  If I break “the rules” then the curses of God are going to rain down on my head.  And at some point, I am going to break the rules and I am scared. 

For instance, I get sick at my stomach while grocery shopping because if I don’t make wise choices, God is going to curse our finances even more than they already are cursed because we’ve been less than perfect in the tithing department.  What Evangelical hasn’t heard the sermon where God crying over you because He wants to bless you and He just can’t because you haven’t tithed?  He’s so sad because you’re so bad. 

I think it even translates into areas that aren’t specifically addressed in Scripture, but have been taught as if they were.  For example, I do occasionally find myself suddenly wracked with guilt because my boys are going to grow up to be promiscuous, drug dealing drunkards because I’m not homeschooling them. 

I know that giving is a principle He wants for us, to teach us to be generous, to trust Him and not hold onto this world so tightly.  But I think I tend to take the “Do this” and “Don’t do that’s” to an extreme.  I’m not looking at it quite right.  

I feel that the Holy Spirit has blessed me in pointing out my false thinking this week.  Now, I’m praying that He helps me to move from a cognitive understanding to an emotional understanding.  I need to wrap my thoughts to be more like Paul’s. 

Paul, the great Paul, didn’t despair in his failures.  He actually rejoiced in them instead.  So it’s obvious he didn’t see his failings as a reason for God to pour curses down upon him. 

Even Paul struggled.  But he didn’t mess up & then cower in fear & guilt in a hidey hole.  Instead he took this view of his messy life:

“So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.  Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7b-10 NLT)

God’s not standing over me reluctantly waiting to pour out a bucket o’ curses over me.  Instead, He actually delights in me when I screw up & am humble enough declare I just need His help. 

Counter Productive Motherhood

I love my boys.  I often joke that my entire purpose is to make sure the boys arrive at the age of 18 and post-high school graduate alive.  Of course, we all know it’s a little more complicated than that, but there are definitely days I decide to keep it simple. 

So, why did I go shopping with my eight-year-old, Wyatt, to buy a skateboard? 

Cons:

1.  He’s fearless.  When they boys go snowboarding or sledding, it’s Wyatt who screams, “Whoo HOOOOoooo….,” as he goes flying by.  It’s so funny to watch the 10-year-old, Addison, observe, sigh, & then repeat the same action just because he can’t let Wyatt show him up completely.

2.  We live on a hill.  There’s even a street on this hill that runs in front of our house.  (Imagine that).  Even worse, cars occasionally drive on said street. 

3. He dresses and looks like a skater.  I’m only encouraging him.  It won’t be long before he starts saying, “Dude” and listening to hard rock music. 

I suppose there are also Pros:

1.  He’s fearless.  I’ve watched him repeatedly pull of stunts that I didn’t think possible for a skin and bones little boy.  Maybe, some of this courage can cross over into other areas of his life as he grows and faces challenges.  And I’ve already seen one example of how he encourages those  around him to push themselves a little harder. 

2.  We live on a hill.  I remember being 8.  It’s a God given slide, a playground.  We’re in a neighborhood teeming with a plethora of children that make use of the hill out front and the creek at the bottom.  Thankfully, the streets curvy and crowded and it’s virtually impossible to speed through it. 

3.  He dresses and looks like a skater.  He has always danced to a different drum than the boys around him.  He has long hair and he loves to cook…and play football (especially if tackling’s involved.  I mean, LEGAL, ENCOURAGED hitting?  Awesome!)  It won’t be long before he starts saying, “Dude” and listening to hard rock music.  But we’re kinda West Coast so I think, “Dude” is inevitable.  And then we can chat because I love hard rock music. 

On a mommy note: I did make him buy pads with his own money.  I am shooting for 18 after all. 

Oprah Butter

So I’m really into real food.  I wanna be able to pronounce it.  I wanna be able to, at least theoretically go outside and pick it or kill it.

It started when my husband was diagnosed with diabetes.  I started reading labels for sugar contents.  I quickly learned that our entire culture is has two settings:  Vibrate and crash.  There’s a copious amount of sugar in everything.  It’s entirely too ridiculous. 

Reading labels for sugar soon led to reading for other ingredients and I grew more and more indignant.  How dare they.  For further reading into angerhood check out: Weird Food Additives by Marye Audet-White

So after creeping myself out with the lurid details of processed food, I learned to cook more & more healthy, natural.  Until I was bucked off my single ingredient high horse by….THE BUDGET.

Completely necessary for our family’s financial well-being, I’ve been cooking more and more from scratch.  I got creative.  The Internet is the best resource for how to make your own EVERYTHING! 

But, as y’all all know [I know, but I’m a native Texan], gas prices have gone up driving up the price of everything else.  Living in Alaska, we can really feel the crunch.  The salaries, according to the talking heads, haven’t kept up.  Our household reflects this trend, despite my hubby’s butt busting at a good, stable job. 

So I had to lower my standards.  It KILLED me but, I started buying “fruit juice drinks” instead of 100% juice for my kid’s school lunches.  I switched to less than 100% whole wheat bread.

Oh, the humanity!

I finally made a switch that puts me on par with the devil.  I dropped real butter.   I bought “spread.”  To know what this change means to me…my dairy farmer Granddaddy did not just roll over in his grave.  He’s break dancing. 

When my parents divorced, I was a teenager and the one thing I asked my mother not to change, “Please, keep buying real butter,” and she did. 

BUT, I bought Country Crock and, meh.  But Country Crock is the most expensive fake butter so I got and even cheaper spread.  I was scared but it turned out that it was not horrible.  

I got The Best Life buttery spread.  Derick opened the fridge and declared, “You got Oprah butter.” 

Yes, our family is eating Oprah butter.  Even Fischer calls it Opwah butt-o. 

So all that to say, I prefer butter, real butter.  Please choose butter.  But if y’all need an alternative, Oprah butter can be an option.  

Prosperity Gospel

I am a child of modern day Christian evangelicalism.  I mean, you honestly can’t get much more so than me.  I was homeschooled in the 80’s and early 90’s.  I went to Dawson McAllister conferences.  I saw you at the Pole (or at my friend’s school’s pole because again, I was homeschooled).  And I signed my True Love Waits card.  My musical influences were not Madonna or Michael Jackson.  It was Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith and Petra listened to very quietly in my room at night because I wasn’t allowed to listen to “Christian Rock.” 

So, I have some credentials.  Now onto today’s subject:

Lately, it has become commonplace to for pastors and theologians vilify the Prosperity Gospel doctrine.  This is a belief system that basically says that God loves us, He wants the best for us, and if we will follow the principles listed in the Bible then He will pour out his blessings on us.  Our finances will prosper, our mental and physical health will prosper, and our relationships will prosper. 

Some of the more common verses I’ve heard preached on or taught about:

 Malachi 3:10 - Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test! (NLT)

Or

John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. (NASB)

I firmly believe in the Prosperity Gospel message. 

Ok, now I need to back up a bit. 

In my head, I also believe the Prosperity Gospel doctrine to be in complete error. 

1) One of the 1^st things we learned in Bible college (I told you I had some cred) is that the Bible has to be interpreted against the rest of the Bible.  Meaning, you can’t just pick out 1 or 2 verses that support your belief and run with that.  You have to see what the rest of the Bible says to balance out the subject…keeps one from becoming an extremist. 

For instance, if the above verses were true, across the board, in every situation, what do I do with the situation of John the Baptist, or Stephen the Martyr, or of even Jesus Himself at the crucifixion?  It would seem that God’s idea of prosperity and the American Christianity’s idealism of prosperity are two different things. 

2) Real life.  Kids get sick.  Dads lose jobs.  Tragic car accidents take away someone’s teenager each and every day.  Happens. 

But my dissidence comes when bad stuff happens to me.  I find that I struggle with being angry and bitter against God.  “Why did this have to happen?  Why now?  How could You do this to me?” 

In other words, I hold an expectation of prosperity in my heart.  I've convinced myself that God owes me.  So at some point, I’ve bought Prosperity Gospel hook, line, and sinker.  I want this doctrine out.  The bitterness and the depression it drags along with it have been a life-long battle for me and I’m asking the Holy Spirit daily to get the following counter-thoughts into my soul.

1) I don't control God.  We don't control God.  God is not subject to a formula.  Yes, if I live according to wise biblical principles, I will avoid many pitfalls but He does not have to answer to me.  He’s kinda bigger than that.  “If I do the right thing, then A, B and C will happen.”  But when X comes along instead, my faith is shaken.  I have a lot of friends that don’t go to church anymore because of some great disappointment.  They did all the right stuff and crap still happened.  Bad stuff happens to good people.  Period.  See the story of Job or read about Paul being beaten, put into prison and then beheaded.

2) Faith in God is trusting in Him, not telling Him what to do.  He’s got a very big picture view of the universe, the Church, and my own life.  He is completely prepared to give me some nasty circumstance…if it will build my character, if it will prove His faithfulness, or if it will simply bring Him glory.  He is good – but he is gooder than my present happiness.  He is for long term (eternal even) joy.  And He’ll let me go through a lifetime of misery here, if it will bring about His glory. 

This seems to be my battle.  I may yet one day have complete victory over bitterness and resentment, but I may not.  I may have to fight the lies I bought in my evangelical youth for the rest of my days on earth, but I will bless God while I do and trust the Holy Spirit to continue to weed out my soul. 

One Thing I Totally Don't Get

WWE, Smackdown, RAW, etc.

This oddity is a primarily masculine American cultural phenomenon.  The speeches between the wrestling matches sound like testosterone laden soap operas.  I do NOT get it but my boys eat it like candy.

Speaking of candy, do you know researchers say that sugar doesn't actually affect children's behavior? 
[Whew, that was a nice rolling of the floor laughing moment.  I'm wiping tears from my eyes]  I remember the first time I let Wyatt drink a Sprite...non-caffeinated, high-fructose liquefied carbonated sugar.  The result was something like this...minus the creepy...add giggles.

Researchers are wrong, I don't care what their data says.

Researchers also say that there's no correlation between teething and snotty noses in babies.  Cue the rolling of mommy's eyes.  Kellen is teething now and he's snotty.  Maybe it is just a coincidence but there has been an awful lot of repetition of this exact coincidence.

Researchers are wrong, I don't care what their data says. 

Now, researchers say there's a correlation between watching entertainment wrestling shows and increased violent behavior of boys. 

Researchers.are.dead.on.

I can be in my bedroom and know the moment Derick & the boys start watching WWE in the living room.  The house begins to shake.  It's a physical impossibility for the kids to sit still and watch this show.  My poor ottoman receives so much abuse.  Kellen, the 13-month-old can hardly toddle, but in my imagination I've seen him tap the underside of his elbow and pile drive into his older brothers.

But Derick and the boys love this stuff.  It's something they enjoy doing together and can talk about together so I'm not going to complain too much.  Plus, I tend to get more housework done while they pummel each other..er...watch WWE.  

Meanwhile, I am so thankful we live in an earthquake prone area.  We live in a duplex style house & I'm crossing my fingers that the neighbors blame nature.  I'm fooling myself, but denial can be great.

Addendum (December 2011): The neighbors moved.

Alone Time

My husband braved watching the four boys without me so I could get "alone time."  Don't tell the kids, 'cause I'm pretty sure they'd hunt me down.  They cannot stand the thought of my being alone.  Ever.  Ever.  Ever.

Other moms will know what I'm talking about.  You see Sheldon made it funny to everyone else, but I think - not so much.

Knock, knock. "Penny!"  Knock, knock, "Penny!"  Knock, knock "Penny!"

Except in the scene in my house, I'm not in my own apartment but I'm daring a trip alone to the bathroom:

Knock, knock. "Mom!"  Knock, knock. "Mom!"  Knock, knock.  "Mom!"

"What?!"

Pause..."Whatcha doin?"

"I'm using the bathroom."

"Can I have a ____ ?"  [Insert snack option that inevitably requires my help.  This is not the time, say, to request of glass of water.  No, at this time the boy on the other side of the door will ask for milk...from the new jug.   This beverage is, of course, too heavy for him to pour himself.]

"Isn't your dad in the kitchen?"

"Oh, I didn't think of that."

At this point I smack my hand to my forehead.  I'm supposed to raise these kids to a relative expectancy of adult self-sufficiency right?  My work is cut out.


BUT - today, my husband let me leave, God bless him.  So I'm drinking a latte and enjoying my freedom and not listening to the one-year-old whimper on the other side of the door because he's on the other side of the door.

Here we go!

This is my 1st blog post!  Wow!  Good stuff.