Day 1: I am Thankful for Medication

This is my story.  I am not judging your story.  Since, I'm sticking it out there for the world to see, you are welcome to judge my story.  I am not telling anyone what to do or how they should seek treatment.  I am not a counselor.  I am not a doctor.  I am not a preacher.  I am a "Depression-head." 

I'm starting big.  This one is controversial, especially in Conservative Christian circles...even more so in the Pentecostal/Charismatic circuit I've grown up in and around.

But I am thankful and I praise God for anti-depressants!  I firmly believe they were a gift He sent me from heaven.  I have been criticized for taking them, sometimes directly but mostly indirectly.  Those of you who are on them, perhaps secretly, know where I'm coming from.  But I've reached the point where I can honestly say that I don't care who cares. 

Understand, at my lowest point I was barely functioning at all.  I was doing good to keep my, at that time, two little ones in clean diapers.  Simply diapering was a struggle.  Being at work was a struggle. Going to church was a struggle.  ANY FORM of housework was a struggle.  (Still is, kinda.)  I can remember looking at my make-up on the counter in my bathroom & just the thought of putting it on was overwhelming.

For whatever reason, I never attempted suicide, but I knew I was in deep trouble when I had a thought of hurting my own innocent child.  I'd seen the news and this time period wasn't long after that one mother in Texas had drowned her 5 children.  I knew it could grow into something bigger than a thought.  I had finally reached a desperation point.  I went to my doctor.


Six weeks later my world opened up for the 1st time in my adult life.  The Zoloft started working.  I realized at that time, that I had been sick for years.  I understood how the rest of the "normal" world felt, and I could say that I hadn't felt "normal" since I was about 12 years old.


No one, will ever be able to convince me that my medication was not a gift from God.   We've all (depression heads) heard that voice from the pulpit, which then transfers that voice in our own mind.  The message varies slightly but...


"Anti-depressant medication means that you're not trusting God for healing."


I remember hearing one, well-meaning (or not) preacher had a message, "From Valium to Victory."  Actually, it was a Pentecostal preacher so it was more like, "From Valium to Victory-yah!"  He went on to decry the evils of psychological medication.  The church "uh-huh'd" and "Amened" all over that sermon.  And I knew I would never tell anyone about my meds.  I'd just keep it a secret. 

I've since learned that about a fourth of those "Amen-ers" were on medication, too.  And I'm tired of the secret life.

I've been criticized for not taking a more natural medication.  Somehow, Saint John's Wart was less offensive to God than Wellbutrin?  If I took that, it'd be a plant so I would still be trusting God?  I was told it had no side effects, but I know a lady who had some pretty horrendous side effects.  For those who've had relief from this herb, excellent.  I am all for those who'd like to take it, but I'd recommend being under the supervision of a professional no less than for those on Paxil.

People who take the meds are accused of just covering up/masking the symptoms of what's really causing the depression.  And this complaint, I actually agree with.  I know plenty of folks who are willing to take a Tylenol for their headache.  But what if the root of the headache is a sinus infection?  Can you not take a Tylenol and antibiotics at the same time?  Absolutely! Take that pain-killer until your sinus infection clears up.

I take the same approach with my happy-pills. There is a problem in my soul, an emotional scar causing my mental agony.  And I will continue to hunt out those wounds, clean them up, stitch them up, and let them heal.  Another gift from God.  In the meantime, I will take the special gift of medication He's given me and praise Him for it.  All good things come from our Father above.

I am thankful that I've seen a gradual shift towards depression in the Church.  More knowledge is getting out there and along with that knowledge more compassion.  I have many friends and family who are Christian...and Charismatic...and even Pentecostal who have been superbly supportive.  

I took anti-depressants for about 10 years.  I am blessed not to be on them right now.  But there may be a day when I need them again.  In fact, I'm considering it now.  But I refuse to think of it as a moral failing.  It takes a special kind of courage to ask for help. 

I'm not done, but I'm done for now.



P.S.  Anti-depressants are no light & lively thing.  For those who are unaware, it can be a trying time, if you know you've reached the point you need medication.  They can take 2-6 weeks to start working.  At that time, you may start to feel better.  Or you realize that this medication is not the right drug for you because it's not working or the side effects are too severe.  So, then you have to spend a few weeks weaning off the medication.  Then you get to start the new medicine.  And it takes 2-6 weeks to start working...etc.  Give an extra measure of grace to those you know going through this cycle.

What I am Thankful For: Depression

Throughout November, many have been posting what they are thankful for on Facebook or Twitter or the like, something different each day.  Simply because I have a well-ingrained rebellious streak, I refused to jump on that bandwagon.  I'm apparently too cool to do what everyone else is doing. Right?

But I have had a running theme over the last couple of months.  I have run into conversation after conversation with many, many friends regarding depression.  So many people suffer from it and so few of us that do are willing or even able to talk about it. 

I'm going to talk about it.  I'm going to put myself out there because I am now blessed to know that I'm not alone in my suffering.  But so many of you, my friends, don't realize how "not alone" you are.

I also know that when it comes to this subject, I can be very long winded.  So it's going to go into the blog instead of a post with their annoying little limitations. 

More to come...