Day 30: I am Thankful for Depression

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, 

as though something strange were happening to you."  1 Peter 4:12 ESV

Peter wrote his letter to young Christians experiencing persecution intense enough to cause them to be uprooted from their homes and displaced into another community.  He writes to encourage them that their sufferings will have the great result of making them holy.  Trials will purify them.  Trials will make them more like the Jesus they love. 

As an American, I have never really suffered for my faith, beyond a few snide comments thrown my way.  So, how does God purify me, here, in my day, in my community?  How does He make me holy?

Depression is suffering.  To those who have never suffered with mental illness, it can seem pitiful and pathetic, and I understand why.  But the fact is, one can be surrounded by luxury and be immersed in hell.  I really think it is one of the closest experiences to what hell will really be like for those who are cut off from Christ forever.  

And I am so super blessed to have suffered from depression.  

God has used my depression.  He has purified me.  He has made me more holy.  He has made me different.  He has made me more like Him.  Because I am more like Him, I can serve more like He serves.  I can be generous.  I can be merciful.  I can love others like He does.  

If it wasn't for my years of bondage, I wouldn't be starting on the path to study biblical counseling and psychology.  I am going to start working with YoungLife, loving on teenage mothers and blessing them as they make the "harder" choice.  

None of my current or future blessings would occur if I had not traveled dark paths.  

I can say that even though it would be awful, I would be willing to go through it again to see the blessing that God has on the other side.  If I ever go through depression again, I will know that He is again making me more holy.  

"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls 

to a faithful Creator while doing good."  1 Peter 4:19 ESV (emphasis added)

I love this song.  The verse, especially, summarizes all my thoughts toward depression: 

I am thankful for depression.  

My future is by no means done, but I am done, talking about depression, for now...

Day 29: I am Thankful for Love

I heard a message on the radio this afternoon discussing the wrath of God and the different forms it takes.  When we hear the term "wrath of God" we usually think of tornadoes, earthquakes, war and famine. But I truly believe there is a more common form of God's wrath towards sin.

"Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done."  Romans 1:28 NIV

I also like the New Living Translation's phrasing:

"Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done."  

In other words:

"So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired."  Romans 1:24a NLT

God left them alone.  He stopped pursuing them.

As I have worked on my depression, I have found so much filth in my soul that needed to be cleaned out, sutured, and healed.  And He has been faithful to do this surgery on my heart.  But lets face it, demons aren't fun to deal with...it kinda sucks.  So, I had to be driven to do the work.  Pressed.  Forced.

The absolute most hateful thing He could have done would be to have placed me into a perfect stress-free life where my childhood, family, finances, health and emotions would have been unchallenged.  I would then have no need of Him.

God pursued me.  He allowed the depression because He loves me.  

Almost done....