Defense mechanisms. I seen a few in people. You've noticed them in others, too.
The negative auto-reflex I can't stand the most is the person who won't take responsibility for his or her own situation. He blames everyone else. She can't help the way she is. This person is a victim.
When I see this person, I want to grab him by the shoulders a shake him. Then give him a good slap or two for good measure.
Of course, the reason I have such a violent internal reaction to this character is because "I are one." (Must be spoken with Southern unlearned drawl.) I spent years living this despicable nature out, though, since I'm an introvert most people wouldn't know it.
I can remember as a teen, blaming my parents for my depression. After I got married, my husband was the more convenient target. "If they would just..." "If he would just..." "If ______________ would just change his behavior then I would be happy, content, and at peace." I wasn't even that good at passing blame to be honest. Because I am so icy, I would not vocalize my emotions. So they would simply stew into bitter with the occasional boil over into rage.
I didn't really recognize what I was doing, but I knew whatever I was doing, it wasn't working. I was slowly getting sicker and sicker in the brain.
When I started counseling my blasted doctor would not let me sit and complain about my husband for an hour. I would start up and he would divert, "Well, since we can't do anything to change him, lets see what God wants you to do..." Then he would proceed to dig.
It took several turned corners before I finally figured out that my unhappiness had absolutely NOTHING to do with whether or not my hubby talked to me, at all times, like a soap-opera-over. It was a sickness inside me.
I now experience joy that continues beyond the circumstances of my life. I am not currently depressed and the weird thing is that negative circumstances haven't stopped. These last couple of months, well, more like the last two years, I have had a child that I can't seem to keep healthy. Watching him fight sickness after sickness is painful and exhausting. The medical bills just for him, let alone the other 5 of us, seem overwhelming today. But I still feel joy.
Incidentally, it turns out that by working on me, I made myself much more pleasant to be around. Naturally, a joyful, congenial wife creates a more joyful, congenial home. Thus follows a happy husband who just happens to be getting good at soap-opera-lover talk. (I didn't even ask...blush).
I'm not done...but I'm done for now.
[Bonus schpill: In my blame game, I had a very well thought out list that God needed to fix in my hubby. But God has His own ideas. While I was complaining about this or that, God was working on an entirely different level in my husband. He didn't change what I wanted Him to change. The Holy Spirit has His own agenda. It is so much better than anything I can dream up! This past week, I had the exquisite privilege to go on a trip, just the two of us. We got to talk, finally, for the 1st time in a really long time. My spouse had time to share his heart and it turns out it is quite amazing. I wanted God to fix "A" and instead He fixed "B, G, K and Z."
We're so good at "knowing" what needs to be fixed in others, especially women with their husbands. But it turns out I am not as wise as the Holy Spirit. It was my big lesson this week and I thought I'd pass that info on to you.]
'Kay, no, really, I'm done for now.
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