Day 28: I am Thankful I am Such a Freak

My depression has been fluid.  It could flow from a non-emotional exhaustion to the slight sense that something was wrong with me.  In my dark days it could go from hearing voices that weren't very nice to a deep despair in which I just wanted to die.

It could be very dark.  It could be very isolating. 

While I was struggling I felt like a freak.  I only knew a handful of people who struggled with depression.  Then one day a sweet lady in our church gave her testimony of a mental break down that left her hospitalized.  Her story was such a blessing to me.  If I was going to be a freak, at least there was one other person who was a freak too.  

I didn't really get better until about 10 years later.  I, the crazy person, finally received real relief through some hard, emotional, and biblical counseling.  

Well, when you walk into marvelous light after decades of darkness, it is pretty hard to hide.  People at work commented that I was different and I just HAD to tell them why.  I told friends, good friends, of the struggles I was released from fighting.  Most heard for the first time that I even ever had a problem.  

As I began to talk, I began to hear.  Other people were just as freaky as me.  A LOT of other people.  I had no idea so many people, good people, lovely people, Christian people also dealt with depression.  

I found out that they also, had no idea that so many people were hurting in the same way.  It is comforting to know we're not alone. 

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."  1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

Two notes on this verse for today.  

1. "common to man" - Your depression, and the temptations that extend from it (suicide, cutting, bitterness, anger, apathy & lethargy), are not unusual.  The circumstances surrounding your depression will be unique, but the end results and emotions are not.  Find someone to share your burdens and temptations.  There is someone else out there struggling, too. 

2. "endure it" - The way of escape doesn't result in there not being a trial.  There's no need to "endure" something easy.  For 99% of us (surely an official statistic somewhere) there will be a time of continuing on while being tempted versus having the temptation completely removed.  We live in a fallen world and it affects us.  

I'm not done, but I'm done for now.