And I have absolutely, without a doubt, no question about it made to this blessed state through my growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
When I first started writing about depression I didn't really have intentions to go as religious as my blogging has been. But it turns out I can't talk about mental healing without the mention Him over and over and over. My good (not perfect) place is so interwoven with the workings of the Holy Spirit that "healthy" and "Christ" cannot be separated.
I know that He has brought me here. And amazingly, this beautiful, a-little-more-cleaned up state is not where He met me. When my depression started, I was already a Christian. I had already given Him my heart. But sin is in the world and sin still had root of infection in me.
This verse so well describes my emotional circumstances for decades. The bold lettering is my own added emphasis:
"It wasn't long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heavenly company with Jesus, our Messiah." Ephesians 2:1-6 (MSG)
I have always been a rather reserved person. I am outwardly unemotional. But internally my life was completely overshadowed by the negative belief system I had embraced. Negative emotions naturally followed.
Jesus 1st met me right there, in my pain. I was internally oily, twisted and tied in knots. That quagmire is when He showed up. He came down to where I was. He cried with me when I was splotchy and snotty. He has been with me every single step forward and every single stumble backwards.
He came into my ugly.
Jesus is not waiting for you to get it together. He is not withholding blessing of joy until you get your head on straight. The blessing is that He is with you in the muck, if you only ask Him to be. He will take your filth upon Himself, if you will only allow Him.
"Surely He has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed Him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted."
Isaiah 53:4 (ESV)
This note is meant to be encouraging. Yes, He has healed me but it has not been a quick and easy journey. It has been the rocky path. It is narrow and precarious but the Holy Spirit and His Word have been my light, keeping me from falling off (completely). It has been over 20 years since the onset of my depression. It has been excruciating at times, but it has been so worth it.
I'm not done, but I'm done for now.
thank you
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