Obviously, I'm not going to be hitting you with a blog daily, per sey. Oh, well.
My husband & I met at college 16 years ago. Derick & I dated for about 2 1/2 years before we got married. The first 18 months or so we're pretty tumultuous. In fact I had a usually meek, lovely friend who gently and bravely told me one day, "I think you're great. I think Derick's great. I'm not sure if you're good together."
My future husband described our woes to a trusted professor. Dr. H. suggested Derick use one of the psychologist provided by the school to the students. Was he bad enough off to need to see a counselor? The professor then explained his personal view of the need for professional counseling.
You see, this professor was relatively new to the university. He had actually spent many years working as a pastor. He had a reputation for excepting the pastorship at a dying church with low attendance. Over a period of years he would build it into a lively, thriving ministry. He would then set up leadership within the church and seamlessly step out to take on another flailing ministry.
Dr. H. explained that he required his church staff to meet with a professional counselor regularly. All married staff were also required to attend additional marital counseling. If the church grew large enough to support one, he'd hire a professional counselor on staff. This way church members could have access to therapy as well. And he himself, an emotionally healthy individual, attended monthly sessions with a professional biblical counselor. He and his wife also attended marital counseling semi-regularly and have a loving marriage.
Derick agreed to meet with the counselor. Well, that highly trained professional needed only a few minutes with Derick to know that she needed to see ME. He invited me to come so I did. She was straightforward and told us that she didn't know if our relationship would work. She wanted to see us separately.
I was only mildly annoyed that I got 2-3 times as many sessions as my future spouse. To be honest, at this point I was such an emotional wreck that I didn't really care; I just wanted to not feel like I was going crazy. I worked through a plethora of trust issues. I extended forgiveness to multiple souls. I learned to give up some of my rigid independence. About 6 months later, at another dual session with both Derick & me, the counselor said that she gave her stamp of approval towards what she expected to be a life-long, healthy marriage.
Fast forward 10 years. I am struggling with depression. I had discussions with my husband that there seemed to be this destructive circle that I, on my own couldn't seem to break free of, obviously. I sought out professional counseling again. Praise God, praise God!
This round it took about a year of gut-wrenching work. I owe my counselor a Costco pallet of Kleenex. But after all those tears and all that snot, I finally had a breakthrough. I had finally dealt with some of the nitty-gritty in my own heart: my self-hatred, my bitterness, and my walls of self-protection.
Maybe you have noticed you too are in a vicious circle. You swear each time that you won't make the same mistake again...and then you do. You keep pulling yourself up by your bootstraps for a while but then fall down again. Telling yourself to "get over it" isn't working. Praying more isn't working. Reading your Bible more isn't working. Memorizing Bible verses isn't working. Extensive altar time isn't working.
You've fought with the depression for years & the medication isn't going away any time soon. You end up in that same fight AGAIN with your spouse. Are you cutting again? Are you drinking again? Are you self-destructive in your behavior? Are you chronically angry? Are you chronically sad, sometimes a lot and sometimes mildly, but never really feeling better? Why aren't you getting help?
Mostly, we don't want the stigma of "going to a counselor." The other argument I've heard, repeatedly, from several sources is, "I don't want to be in counseling for the rest of my life." So you don't go at all? Cancer is a long-term treatment plan but I don't recommend not treating cancer for fear of it taking a long time to deal with. [BTW: there are times I have been able to deal with a single issue within 1 or 2 sessions.]
Finances can absolutely be an issue. But many communities are working to get affordable care out there. With a little bit of research, you should be able to find the resources available within your community. (If you're reading this blog, you have the Internet.) Also, if you have medical insurance, check with them. Insurances have discovered that they spend less on physical problems of people who are emotionally healthy. So, the math is on their side to pay for you to go.
As a Christian, I insist on a certified professional biblical counselor. Psychology is a relatively new, quickly-growing science. There are some kooks out there. But I can say after studying psychology...some in college (I was a Psych major for a year until I figured out that it was not my calling)...and being IN counseling, that so, so much of what this science discovers is already in the Bible. An excellent resource is www.newlife.com where they have a listing of "certified-to-the-nines" counselors all over the country. Check on their page for their radio program. As you listen, you can begin to get a small sense of what a counseling session will be like.
If you are not a believer, I still strongly encourage counseling. Even non-Christian Psychology offers excellent, excellent coping skills. There are ways to deal with strong emotions that are healthy and help one to grow versus get stuck in a cycle that hurts you & others around you.
Life happens. Sometimes we manage to make bad things happen, sometimes bad things happen to us. However it happens, we have scars.
I am thankful for the abundant life God gave me in a counselors office.
I'm not done, but I'm done for now.
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