I was racked with depression for about 20 years. That's not a short time. Especially when I was only 32 years old. Getting out was messy. There were years and years of treatment culminating in me facing some issues that could better be labeled demons. Not in the Pentecostal "cast you owwOOT!" sort of way but in the "it was that nasty" sort of way.
(Note: I do believe in demons and oppression. I know I dealt with some in my counselors office, but getting rid of it was less melodramatic than most Pentecostals like to imagine.)
But because of all that dirty "ick" that I went through, I was able to get some truly horrible grit out of my heart. I was able to excise quite a bit of bitterness, anger, fear and self-hatred. You see, my soul was broken. Sin and pain, some self-afflicted and some forced upon me by others, had permeated so much of me that I was unable to cope on my own.
Blessedly, God has no desire for me to keep such things. Instead He allowed the depression to become so oppressive I sought help. Help I needed to remove the cancer in my heart.
I know He used depression to cleanse me.
And this is why I can deal with the depression when it decided to rear it's ugly head, again, in my life. Initially I was simply angry because I thought I'd had this thing beat forever. But...I've come to know that this means there's something broken. God wants to fix it. And He loves me enough to force me to deal with it. I wouldn't be surprised as I dig & discover that He's tried to get my attention in other ways. Well, He has my attention now.
Also, along with fixing myself, I'm reminded of how others are suffering. My compassion & understanding are renewed. I'll roll my eyes less and extend grace more.
So, for me, relapse is a good thing.
It's Christmas Eve & I still got shopping to do. (It's not procrastination if you plan to shop at the last minute, right?) So, anyways, I'm done for now.
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