Day 11: I am Thankful for my Kids

Depression absolutely kills motivation.  One of the quirks about depression is that if you have depression, you are often too depressed to get help for your depression.  I know that when I was at my worst I was completely unable to function.  I had difficulty getting out of bed.  I had difficulty changing my clothes.   I had difficulty taking a shower.  I had difficulty feeding the children. 

I was unable to get help on my own.  I, instead, had a wonderful mother-in-law who called me every ten minutes one day until I made the doctor's appointment.  Then my husband gave me the choice of driving myself to the doctor or he was driving me to the doctor.  I thank them. 

Blessedly, these days I have a few other motivators. 

1. I never, ever, ever, ever want to be in that dark, evil place again.  So I will get help before I get that bad, while I still have the ability to motivate myself towards help. 

2. Their names are Addison, Wyatt, Fischer and Kellen.  Ages 11, 9, 3 and 1.  They deserve to have a mother.  They deserve to have a mother that is engaged and not disconnected.  They deserve to have a mother that is able to reign in her emotions to a healthy level.  The thought of causing them pain because of my pain is terrifying to the core.  

Along with simply getting myself healthy so I can be a first-class mommy, I also want to set an example.  I am aware that statistically, depression runs in families.  I believe there are genetic and spiritual traits that we pass to our children.  If I look backwards, throughout my extended family, I can definitely see the trend in reverse.  The thought that I may pass depression on to my children makes me cold.  The most important thing I can do is to create a healthy environment for them to grow up in.  Their hope is decreased if they have an unstable mother. 

I want to create an environment within my home where getting help is honestly not a big deal.  Life can be hard.  Life will be hard.  I want to get them help when it's hard without making them feel like they are failing.

"Direct your children onto the right path,

and when they are older, they will not leave it." 

Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

God honestly didn't mean for us to do this life business on our own.  He created this concept of community. 

I'm not done but I'm done for now.