For whatever reason, I am able to take tragedy or massive difficulty in stride. I miscarried my 3rd child. I cried. I felt empty for a time. But I was able to love my lost child and grieve and continue on.
A few years ago, I got very sick. I dropped about 15 pounds in a month. I couldn't even put my finger on what was wrong but I knew that if I didn't get better, I would die. I had the sense that my body was expelling energy faster than I could replenish it. I've talked to others who went through serious illness and they described the same feeling.
I had not even told my husband yet that I could feel something "off." My brother and his lovely family came to visit us in Alaska that Christmas. I had the thought that I needed to enjoy this time together because it may be the last.
Blessedly, after about 6 months, I recovered. And emotionally, I handled this period well. I wasn't depressed, or, I should say AS depressed as I had been.
My husband was diagnosed with Diabetes a few years ago. Some other family members and friends reacted with horror at this diagnosis. I took it all in stride. At least now we knew what we needed to do for him, right?
There was no cry of, "Why God?" I didn't rant and wail against the universe.
But let me lose my keys...or my phone...or be running late...
All the above mentioned "little things" can set me off into a depressive state for DAYS. Tragedy, I can handle, but frustration I can not.
I thought I was alone until I heard a song on the radio. I'm a little annoyed that I'm using a radio song because I want to be cool and goodness knows KLOVE is not cool. But I need to swallow my pride and get my message through.
(Incidentally, on the album art, that drawing the lower half of the body...genius! I'd like to order that treatment on all photos of me from now on. I'm anti-photo shop on super-models. I'm not anti-photo shop on this 34-year-old, post 4 children figure of my own.)
So, I'm not the only one who will forget to pay a bill and fall into a puddle of tears crying, "Why God?" But, after taking a step back and thinking about it, I come to realize one reason why the little stuff is what can send me into a tailspin.
It happens more often. God wants to be a part of my daily life and not just come in every once in a while and do damage control. I'm not saying that He's not involved and among us when tragedy strikes, not at all. But, for me, He uses the annoying frustrations of life to weed out the yucky inside me.
That's why my computer gets a virus. That's why I can't find those important papers that are due even though I put them in that specific spot so I wouldn't lose them. That is why I can't find my frikin' phone...again!
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