Day 12: I am Thankful I am Helpless

Watch a TV talk show.  I'll tell you what it will say.

"Believe in yourself."  

"Dream big enough." 

"You are worth it." 

"You can DO it."

"What is your heart telling you to do? Do that." 

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...(1..2..Tree)

Our talk shows, our movies, our story books all want us to know that we have the power to make ourselves better.  How very ego-centric of us.

All of the above statements sound good.  They make you feel all warm and fuzzy like a extra grande cup of mocha macchiato espresso latte.  

But if you look at our society in general, you'll notice that they don't work.  At least, they didn't for me.

I had no more ability to whittle out of my depression than I would be able to keep a two-story fall from breaking a bone.  I tried to be positive.  I tried to change my ways.  I failed...a LOT...

When I tried to work out my inner turmoil on my own I always, always managed to fudge it up.  For instance, I would say to myself, "I'm not going to be bullied."  And dag nabit, no one bullied me.  No one dared.  Instead I put my emotional hands into fists and created an impenetrable wall.  A wall that bit anyone who got too close and shut me off from the rest of the world.  All I did was succeed in creating a new problem.  One that not only hurt me, but hurt others around me as well.

It was never my intention to maim anyone, but I did.  It is the nature of humanity to be entrapped in sin.  You see, when "sin" entered the world, it didn't just make us cuss, smoke, and chew (or rape, enslave and murder).  It fractured EVERYTHING.

God knows about my condition.  And He didn't just sit by and watch me implode.  He sent Someone, Who loved me so much He was willing to be tortured and murdered to rescue me.  Instead of watching me wither, He went to war and conquered sin.

So, I told Him.  "I tried to fix this mess myself instead of asking You, the Conqueror to fix it.  I'm sorry I made a vow to fix it in my own sinful power.  Will YOU fix it inside me?  Heal my pain?  Heal my fears?"

It worked. 

The emotional sunburn is gone.  I've lost my knee-jerk over reaction.  I'm able to open up to others who love me and want to support me.

A fear of bullying is just one example.  Maybe you've decided that you won't let any man/woman break your heart again.  Maybe you've decided that you'll never be financially broke again.  Maybe you've decided that you'll never be overweight again.

"Peace I leave with you, MY peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27 ESV (emphasis added)

I know that not everyone will agree with me but the fact is that I know I was utterly helpless to fix me.  Then the Holy Spirit stepped in.  He produced perfect healing with no negative side effects.  Something I was unable to do on my own.

Still not done, but I'm done for now.